If you’ve read any of my Splatter Elf work so far, you should know that some of my characters love to curse. Katzia, in particular. She curses so much to the point of it being ludicrous, but that’s one aspect of her character I love: she doesn’t give a shit. In my life, I’ve encountered a lot of these people that “don’t give a shit” and they tend to use more colorful language than the average person. In my attempt to bring this to life in Splatter Elf, I’ve allowed my characters to liberally curse with wild abandon. A development in “The Bog Wyvern” (won’t spoil it here) will show perhaps why Grotsekia is such a miserable place to live. With Bathbrady taking the main character spot for this story, expect a lot less cursing…maybe.

In honor of Katzia, I’d like to share some of my favorite characters that curse excessively and creatively, much to my amusement. Not surprisingly, many of these characters come from movies and TV. I think this is mainly because I haven’t encountered a whole lot of fantasy fiction that uses swearing to such a degree (with the exception of A Song of Ice and Fire and Robert Bevan’s hilarious comic fantasy series Caverns and Creatures).

So without further ado, here are some of my favorite characters that swear so much, it makes me happy. (In the effort to make this somewhat Safe for Work I’ve edited the f-bombs. If you want real f-bombs, go read my stories “The Unicorn-Eater” and “River of Blades!” *wink, wink*)

The Dude: The Big Lebowski

The_Dude

“Well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

I went back and forth on whether to include The Dude or Walter here, but ultimately decided on The Dude. Mostly because he epitomizes all that is awesome about not giving a shit. Walter at least cares about the rules. The Dude mostly only cares about his rug. Plus, he introduced me to the lovely drink White Russian. Any guy that can stumble around confused in a bathrobe is cool in my opinion.

Tommy DeVito: Goodfellas

Tommy

You mother*$&#!

Joe Pesci epitomized foul-mouthed characters, but his portrayal as Tommy DeVito in Goodfellas was the classic hot-tempered, obscenity-spewing gangster that everyone loved to watch come unhinged. If he’s not freaking out about people thinking he’s “funny like a clown” he’s going batshit over a wise guy telling him to go home and get his shine box.

Hit-Girl: Kick-Ass

Hit-Girl

Show’s over, mother$@#!

No little girl curses more than Hit-Girl, the blade-swinging, gun-toting mini-assassin in the movie Kick-Ass. Hit-Girl overshadowed the titular character in many ways due to her penchant for language unbecoming of a young girl or of anyone in general. Her amazing skills at making mincemeat out of the bad guys while cursing up a storm makes her an unforgettable character.

Sandor Clegane aka The Hound: Game of Thrones

Sandor

F*#$ the Kingsguard. F$@* the city. F*#@ the king.

The ultimate in scary knights, Sandor Clegane aka the Hound, is one of the best characters Game of Thrones has had so far. It’s hard to gauge who he is as a person. One minute he seems alright, the next he seems like a total asshat. That’s the great thing about his character. He doesn’t give a shit. His walking out at the Battle of Blackwater made for epic TV. He curses in excess, but often in such a blunt way it makes it darkly funny. In the books, he’s just as interesting, but I think Rory McCann has really brought the character to life.

Tyrion Lannister: Game of Thrones

Tyrion_Lennister

I just want to stand on top of the Wall and piss off the edge of the world.

A fan favorite for many people that watch Game of Thrones, I couldn’t leave Tyrion Lannister off my list. His sarcasm, razor-sharp wit, and penchant for swearing have made him one of the most endearing characters in TV and literature. He always manages to manipulate his way out of horrible situations and still have the gallows humor even when he thinks he’s about to die (which is often.) His love of wine and the oldest profession make him a bit sleazy, but his heart is in the right place.

Carl Showalter: Fargo

CarlShowalter

You f#(@)! shot me! (Spoilers)

This weaselly hit man is one of my favorite characters in all of cinema. He is annoying, crass, rude, and the perfect character to bungle an increasingly complex job. He curses like a sailor, loses his temper about as much as Tommy DeVito, and plays off his silent partner Gaear Grimsrud (awesome name, by the way) excellently. His temper gets the best of him, like many of these characters, and he ultimately becomes a chip off the old block.

Cartman: South Park

200px-Eric_Cartman

Screw you guys, I’m going home.

Infinitely quotable, the big-boned, spoiled, and constantly plotting Eric Cartman is one character that uses his words to ill-effect. Whether it’s insulting Kyle’s mom, screaming at his kitty, or getting angry when he doesn’t get his way, Cartman is every parents’ worst nightmare. He’s highly entertaining because of his horrible world-view and has been one of the reasons South Park has remained popular to this very day.

Neil Page: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

220px-Planes_trains_and_automobiles

Wipe that f#@($@ smile off your f*#@$@ face.

In a movie that didn’t have much cursing, Steve Martin makes Neil Page the ultimate normal guy that just loses his shit. After problems with his car, walking across a tarmac, and having a counter lady smile in his face, he just can’t take it anymore. He unleashes a torrent of curse words that would make even a sailor blush. While Neil isn’t normally a foul-mouthed character, his total breakdown is very relateable for anyone who has traveled around and had everything go wrong.

Frank Booth: Blue Velvet

Frank_Booth

Heineken?! F$(@ that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!

Either the best or worst commercial ever for Pabst Blue Ribbon, Frank Booth is the most sinister of characters I’ve listed here. He’s insane, creepy, and unhinged more than any other character, but the way he uses curse words in every other sentence makes him that much more frightening for those around him. You don’t want to get a love letter from him either.

The Women of Orange is the New Black

orange-is-the-new-black-cast-21

I can’t do shit with “I’m sorry.”

OK, so I cheated. I listed all the women on my current favorite show Orange is the New Black just because these women are written so well that it was hard to pick one. They curse, fight, love, and scheme, but they all have their own flair to them that make them one of the best ensemble casts ever. Jenji Kohan’s biting dialogue can be both funny and emotional, which is why these women get my vote.

So that’s my list! If you like your characters with salty language, then Splatter Elf might be for you. It’s also insanely violent, but that’s a topic for another day. Until then, f##$@ the $()$@!

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